High School Confidential

By Tory Elmore

	Victoria “Tori” Elmore is a lover, not a fighter. She passes her time playing lacrosse, taking naps, and, of course, recycling beer cans.

Some may say that chivalry is dead, but regardless, the boys aren’t the only ones misbehaving. I’ve personally witnessed the increasing popularity of what society has dubbed “cat fights” and quite frankly, I’ve never been so appalled.

We girls are certainly known for our scathing glances and malicious comments, but hitting one another? Not classy, ladies. Though I’m a feminist at heart, and sure, anything boys can do, girls can do better, but throwing punches is ludicrous, immature, and a waste of all your pretty faces.

Let’s get up to speed on some of Somers’ most infamous showdowns.

Scene 1: Lunch. Girl 1 makes fun of Boy. Girl 2, in Boy’s defense, dumps chocolate milk on Girl 1’s head. Fistfight ensues. Boy continues to be ridiculed.

Scene 2: Bonfire. Girl 1, en route to bathroom, spots Girl 2 entering premises. Girl 1 yells at Girl 2 for “stealing her boyfriend.” Fistfight ensues. Girl 3, innocent bystander, tries to break it up and gets punched. Girl 2 continues to date Girl 1’s ex boyfriend.

Scene 3: Party. Girl 1 “I hate you!” SLAP! Girl 2 PUNCH! Girl 1 still hates Girl 2.

So much violence, so little gained.

The kicker is; we’re fighting like boys…over boys. Every single fight I have witnessed or heard about is a tug-of-war over some unfaithful boyfriend, a battle for the star athlete who’s slept with half the girls at school, or the careless use of the word “slut.” Enough is enough. Dump the boyfriend, forget the player, and tailor your language. What are you trying to prove? That you have the biggest muscles? Something there strikes me as odd; “butch” is hardly a compliment in the female world.

It’s on TV, in Hollywood, and, thank you, pop star Brooke Valentine for these insightful lyrics, “Know you really don’t wanna step to dis/You ’bout to catch one right in the lip/It’s about to be a what? Girlfight!” But, now, it’s at school, too. Armed with only their fists, though Somers High School legend speaks of a battle involving a padlock, female students have come to tearing one another apart between classes. To any participant, I’ll be very frank; I’m embarrassed for you. The teachers that pull you apart from your opponent will never look at you the same way, the colleges you apply to will see “assault” on your permanent record. And have fun explaining the “he said/she said” to Mom and Dad.

Sure, I’m not perfect. I’ve had my share of “drama” and silly spats with other girls. I know how stubborn we can be, how defensive of our territory (and our men) we are. Still, I have yet to physically assault anyone. I think I’ll avoid committing a felony for as long as possible, thanks.

I recently took a road trip with my mother (I lead an exciting life, I know). As we got down to talking about current events, who is dating who, who broke up, and of course, the prom saga, I tossed “scene 3″ into the mix. As I told her the story, I immediately regretted bringing it up; I was sure she would go on and on about how tragically misbehaved today’s youth have become. To my relief, and utter surprise, she laughed. Not the cheesy, “Oh-honey-you-are-so-funny-har-har-yawn” laugh, but tears-streaming, cough-inducing, almost-drive-us-off-the-road laugh that’s as infectious as chicken pox.

That’s when it hit me; this must all be a joke. I mean, really though, next time another girl and I disagree should I head to the gym and pump some iron? Should I give her a time and place and wrestle her to prove who’s slept with fewer boys? I think I’d rather forget about it and pass my time with people who would rather not slap me across the face.

I’m not sure when everyone got so angry, but the fury isn’t flattering. I’m seeing nice, smart girls turn into monsters for the silliest of reasons. Is the “skank” in your English class really worth a school suspension that will haunt each and every one of your college applications? Is that “ho” “macking” on your date really worth a black eye on prom night? I doubt it.

So be the bigger person, wear the biggest smile, and save the fistfights for our testosterone-fueled counterparts.